Slightly Breaking through the Wall?

"This is the best way," he began."Getting cured."

"How are you getting cured?"

"Praying mostly."

"Does it feel good to pray?"

"Yes."

The man in that bed never would have said such a thing last month. Or EVER.

So this may be good news. I may have chipped a little rock away from that fortress-like, dad-shaped fortress I've known my entire life, which for at least that long has been masquerading as the man who is my dad. I've been working on that, but carefully. I don't want this for my sake, although a breakthrough would necessarily entail happiness for me. I want this for him, but only if he wants it.

One of the aspects of dying that makes me cry, even when I don't know the one dying, is the thought of a precious and unique sentient essence escaping like a breath, never having been known to another soul on the planet. What a pity that is. What a waste. What a shame. It could have been loved for itself, had it been only brave enough to peek its head out of the shell enough.

Yes, this "enough," this is the rub. It is just "enough" to be embraced, and just "enough" to be cut off. This is the gamble that the brave are willing to chance. The brave know that the value of the potential connection, in trying to make it, will far outweigh the temporary sting if that connection is rebuffed.

Not everyone is brave. Or maybe it isn't some perfect measure of  virtue. Maybe it is simply a matter of personal preference (not very interesting, but entirely possible). This is why the choice is his. If he doesn't want to connect with anyone, he makes his choice, and I respect it. On the other hand, if he's afraid, I want to help him find the courage to be brave before his essence disembodies.

I guess stay tuned. Haha I love saying that because no one will likely ever see this. It is at once so private and so public... "prublic??"